can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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