my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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