walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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