Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
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Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Vodka?
Forever.
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We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Did you pee in the oven last night??
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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