DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
