Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
