New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
