I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
birth control should be required to get into college
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
