I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Please, let me fuck your mom
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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