Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize