I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
