I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
