I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
