omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
