I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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