So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
