Your favorite bartender is back from prision
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
