i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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