did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
