She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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