Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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