he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My breasts were aching with rage.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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