Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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