I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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