I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
