now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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