I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
