Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
