He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
How's work?
Spinning.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
