Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
