i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
