My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
