I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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