Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
