on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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