I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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