I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
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