Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
