Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
