Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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