I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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