im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Of course I have a pirate flag
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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