I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
