I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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