There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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