so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
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just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
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I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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