So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
