I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
