I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
