whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
