Having a random hookup so left but love u
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
