you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We left an ass print on the piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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