Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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