Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
