why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
