I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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