Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
