party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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