ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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