I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
