Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
