he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
