How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
