good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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