I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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