I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
