When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
